Too many journalists fill their articles with idiocy and absurd conclusions. I, on the other hand, will write with integrity and truth. My first subject: the euro.
Many have blamed the euro’s sudden decline in value on the recent election results in France and Greeceland. This is a moronic theory. No, it is quite clear that the blame lies with the recent Avengers movie.
The Avengers was the only decent superhero movie ever made that was any fun to watch. For the first time ever, people are wooting “Yeah superheros beat up that bad guy yeah!“.
And this is why the euro has screwed up so badly.
It is a well known fact that money is the root of all evil, and The Avengers only enhanced this idea. For those who have no seen the movie, the villain is called Loki. Loki. Get the person next to you to say it while you cover your ears, and it sounds just like money. The stockbrokers, being the intelligent people they are, picked up on this very quickly, and the inspiring figures of Iron Man and Thor helped them to realise that they had lost their ways. Many of them went straight to the bank, withdrew all their money and burnt it. Scientists have proven that money rapidly loses its value when burnt, and thus the euro has gone down in value.
Some less intelligent readers may wonder why the pound and the dollar have not been affected by this decline. In the UK and USA, the decline caused by The Avengers was counteracted by the mass suicide of stockbrokers caused by The Hunger Games. Many realised their lives were boring as fuck compared to those of the teens on screen, and proceeded to try and spice things up a bit by stabbing pens into their own throats. Economists have proven that if a country has a suddenly higher death toll than its neighboring countries, the economy booms. Just look at Iraq! Obviously the rest of Europe did not get this boost because no one in Europe can afford to go and see The Hunger Games.
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